The 21 some guys who got injured in the Tour de France in the most recent crashes...
Gang bang it is for you
> Gang bang it is for you
Talk about a Tour de Force.
Bang me like one of your French bikes
Mike wazowski from Monsters Inc.
He has a gf
He does now ;)
** shudders **
"UNLIMITED POWER" he yells as he whips out his shriveled old man dick and sends a bolt of evil lightning into your anus killing you instantly.
What the holy fuck in God's green cursed Earth did I just read?
Cleopatra. I lucked out. Unless we have to have sex with them in their current state.
Why wait? It's not like she's gonna get _less_ mummified.
That tongue will do wonders.
And the teeth...
And the tentacles
Aah finally my dreams are coming true ...
"Listen Carefully Eddie.
You Did Not Find Us.
We Found You"
that gets a whole new meaning in this context
At least you could die happy knowing that large subsections of the internet are very jealous of you for being fucked to death by a symbiote
Make sure to bring a hammock.
Dobby from harry potter
Master has given Dobby a cock!
Dobby is free (use)!
What a terrible day to be literate.
Give him a sock
to wipe it off with?
Jack the Ripper. I'm scared.
You should be. Are you gonna get jacked or ripped? You’ll never know, it’s always a gamble.
I google myself about once a month to see if anything new pops up I should know about, sooooooo………
It seems to be the popular thought that maybe I should go fuck myself.
Sounds like you and me are about to go fuck ourselves then.
People do keep telling me to do that.
Coincidentally I also google you about once a month sooooooooo.........
Fucking Saddam Hussein
Could be worse, could have been Uday Hussein.
You know you're fucked up when Saddam fucking Hussein doesn't want you to be president of Iraq because he fears what would happen when so much power will fall to your hands.
Remove all firearms from your place
Will do, luckily there aren't many Archdukes living around here
I'm sure he'll be a good lay, heard he fucked all of Europe for decades.
Matt Hancock.... I'm mortified
You're not alone. My vagina just sealed up at the thought. I'm almost full term with a baby, ain't no way it's coming out now.
Is that the former health secretary cause me too :( I wanted to see the scandal
No is not an option
Well he’s not called Genghis Khan’t.
This got a chuckle out of me
I fucking googled the name Martin Luther got when he was hidden on the Wartburg. Junker Jörg
His friends call him Junker “Junk in the bunker” Jörg
Elizabeth Olsen. Was having a discussion about Scarlet Witch. This is a good thing.
This is a very good thing
Mine was almost Elizabeth Olsen, but the reddit post before this one was about Chris Wallace and it changed my life trajectory drastically.
noot in the moot
Man I really don't want to bang Winston Churchill...
He shall bang you on the beaches, he shall bang you in fields, he shall bang you in the streets, he shall bang you in the hills.
And he shall bang your cheeks
But he will never let you cum.
Some people are into denial.
But please don't make him run.
Lucky, I got Churchill AND Gandhi.
He used to rub his bald head in oil, and rub it all over my body!
just reminds me of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/o923rv/churchill\_downs/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Natalie Dormer. Fuck I'm in.
THIS IS SPARTA!
You've got to figure he was a power bottom anyway...
M. Night Shyamalan
Bring protection and some tissues. His climaxes are usually unexpected.
Bane. Damn I am fucked
You fuck like a younger man. Nothing held back.
Admirable... but mistaken.
Theatricality and deception, both powerful agents for the unhorny. But we are horny, aren't we Bruce? Both members of the League of Orgies!
Let’s see what breaks first, your spirit or your body?
Do you feel in charge?
It would be very painful….
Well you got yourself laid! What's the next step in your master plan?!?
Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was arroused in it, I came in it. I didn't fuck in light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!
Thor. Guess I’m getting hammered
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I think you mean "axe" you to leave.
Then I'd say "I'd storm out!"
She's unimpressed with your abilities in bed.
Doesn't matter, had sex.
omg jack black
Be careful i heard he got a tenacious D
School of Cock
Dick of Destiny
Betty White. My body is ready.
The new guy we hired that didn't show up this morning.
Don't worry, he's coming.
I feel like he'd be a gentle lover who would invite your roommates to join, if they wanted.
Caught between The Rock and his hard place.
Sorry it’s a free award so wholesome is the best I can do
Jack Nicholson. I don’t know how I would feel if he just burst in the room naked screaming “HERES JOHNNY”
“I‘m just gonna fuck your brains out.”
"I'm not gonna hurt 'cha."
......Does courage the cowardly dog count as a person? I get Johnny bravo instead right?
Nope, you get Courage
Does it though? Why were they googling someone they clearly already know about?
Wait… oh no…
Shame it wasn't the Olsen *sisters*. You could have gotten Elizabeth too.
Jimmy Garoppolo. I guess there are worse options.
Have you seen the filter that turns you into the opposite gender? Somebody used it on Jimmy G and gawd damn that WoMan is hot
This would be me as well. I’ll accept.
Natalie Portman. My boyfriend is gonna beg me to watch us lol
elizabeth olsen. looks like best day of my life is here
Ben Shapiro is going to lose his virginity.
Ben Shapiro DESTROYS LIBERAL BUSSY with FACTS AND LOGIC
Chris Hansen. I'm a minor btw.
"Why don't I have a seat right over there?"
"Why don't you have a seat right up here?"
Became the very thing he swore to destroy
Oh the irony
Oh boy, I do love my lover pouring vinegar into my brain to turn me into a zombie.
Jeffrey Dahmer for those wondering
My wife approves.
Chloë Grace Moretz
She's actually slightly older than me so I've had the benefit of crushing on her for her entire career
A Dutch tennis player qualifying at Wimbledon who was warned her outfit wasn’t white enough…de Vroome was her name.
Update: was not expecting updoots for this. Thanks folks.
Update 2, a couple hours later: this is silly, folks. Silver for all of you, if I had it to give.
Va va Vroome.
Vroome Vroome, i’m in mi mom’s car
Get ou' mi car
Joe Rogan no.....
Jamie pull that shit up
“Get ready for the Joe Rogan experience”
I know some nasty people wouldn't be disappointed.
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
Because of that "The Next Celebrity to be Exposed" Thread my last search was Ron Jeremy...i'm............no
Sigourney Weaver, so fucking dream come true for me! And probably a massive disappointment for her...
Mansa Musa. Kanye better change those pronouns in gold digger
Woah, wait, is that how it works? Two seconds...
Ok, now it's Beyonce.
Phew, that was close.
Who was the original pick
Riley Reid... for research purposes
I just searched my own name...
Now, I can literally fuck myself
Charles Barkley…. That’s Turrable
holy shit no I’m not having sex with d’vorah from mortal kombat
Not with *that* attitude you won't
Well i had looked up 'obama is the throat goat' for the meme but idk if that counts. Before that it was gonzo (the muppet). The reason makes it even better, had looked him up because someone in another askreddit comment had mentioned their ex or something had a dick that looked like gonzo's nose and i didend know who that was.
So either im getting throat from obama the throat goat or gonzo the dick nosed muppet.
Aileen Wuornos xd
Lord, it’s my ex-wife. That’s the worst one here 🤦♂️
Is her name Tammy?
“I didn’t shave it. It rubbed off, from friction”
Well if you’re into choking...
That is the most darkly funny thing I've read all week. Made me choke down my tea before it sprayed all over my laptop.
Edit: No pun intended, I'm not that funny.
Cillian Murphy, no regrets.
You're more like a pet.
HE DOES *WHAT* TO HIS PETS?
Myself. Nothing new there, then
the backyardigans omg why u do this to me 😭😭
The FBI are on their way
In to the thick of it!
In to the thick of it!
this is gonna take some time
I was talking to my wife and she had never searched her own name on Google before to see what results were returned, so I did it to tell her what came back.
So... my wife.
The internet is strange.
Laura dern from 1990
He's the guy who hijacked a plane in the northeast USA (edit correction northWEST), extorted a $200,000 ransom (back when that was a lot of money), forced the pilot to take off again, and then **JUMPED OUT OF THE PLANE WITH A PARACHUTE** somewhere over Washington state.
He was never found. No one knows who he was. There are no photos of him, just some police sketches that may not be very accurate.
Experts say he most likely died during his high altitude jump, or landing in the wilderness. But no one knows.
It's the only unsolved case of air piracy in the USA.
And now I have to fuck him. Shit.
A TV show has led me to believe that is Loki so...
His cock is throbbing.
Daniel Naroditsky is a fucking prophet! He told me xQc would go for the Scotch Open, and he did! My cock is THROBBING right now! T H R O B B I N G !
Thanks for the fat 10 gift subs Pikachu
He’ll 100% be wearing a white shirt.
My therapist...who I looked up to report her shitty practices.
Well I guess I'm now batting for the other team but I ain't mad. Duncan McLeod of the clan McLeod. Forgot his name already.
Damn. Theodore Roosevelt. I am not happy at all.
Watch out man, I hear he speaks softly and caries a BIG stick.
Looks like you're gonna be one of the Rough Riders.
That idiot who caused the crash at the Tour de France… No thank you, not huge into cycling but can’t risk those genes
threesome with Joseph Stalin and adolf hitler