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nonamebrand541

The 21 some guys who got injured in the Tour de France in the most recent crashes...


nernernernerner

Gang bang it is for you


john_dune

> Gang bang it is for you Talk about a Tour de Force.


E420CDI

Bang me like one of your French bikes


michak5

Mike wazowski from Monsters Inc.


psychedPanda13

He has a gf


michak5

He does now ;)


cfh294

** shudders ** Emperor Palpatine


jerrythecactus

"UNLIMITED POWER" he yells as he whips out his shriveled old man dick and sends a bolt of evil lightning into your anus killing you instantly.


Hyrule_Hystorian

What the holy fuck in God's green cursed Earth did I just read?


ehowardhunt

Cleopatra. I lucked out. Unless we have to have sex with them in their current state.


Pure_Independence763

Wait


zergoon

Why wait? It's not like she's gonna get _less_ mummified.


cuminpant

Morgan Freeman


TheRrandomm

Venom...oh


Ladzofinsurrect

That tongue will do wonders.


wormaker

And the teeth...


ItsFrenzius

And the tentacles


thisaintsaurav

Aah finally my dreams are coming true ...


-ur_fbi_agent-

"Listen Carefully Eddie. You Did Not Find Us. We Found You"


gkalswhd

that gets a whole new meaning in this context


BackgroundPilot1

At least you could die happy knowing that large subsections of the internet are very jealous of you for being fucked to death by a symbiote


PM_MUSCULAR_PECS

Hot


Nika___

John McAfee


siegewolf

Make sure to bring a hammock.


hob814

Dobby from harry potter Just whyyyyyyyy?


ChillyBearGrylls

Master has given Dobby a cock!


m1rrari

Dobby is free (use)!


roombaSailor

What a terrible day to be literate.


electricsockelf

My eyes


_saniya_

Give him a sock


justawar3

to wipe it off with?


FeralBlueAlligator

Jack the Ripper. I'm scared.


dirtyhippie62

You should be. Are you gonna get jacked or ripped? You’ll never know, it’s always a gamble.


baloneysamwhich

I google myself about once a month to see if anything new pops up I should know about, sooooooo……… It seems to be the popular thought that maybe I should go fuck myself.


CuntyReplies

Sounds like you and me are about to go fuck ourselves then.


WindowSteak

People do keep telling me to do that.


TheDipstick47837

Coincidentally I also google you about once a month sooooooooo.........


AnimatingNow69

Fucking Saddam Hussein


PM-me-Sonic-OCs

Could be worse, could have been Uday Hussein.


eyal3012

You know you're fucked up when Saddam fucking Hussein doesn't want you to be president of Iraq because he fears what would happen when so much power will fall to your hands.


RBN1410

Gavrilo Princip


Aniki1990

Remove all firearms from your place


RBN1410

Will do, luckily there aren't many Archdukes living around here


NeverSawAvatar

I'm sure he'll be a good lay, heard he fucked all of Europe for decades.


UnimaginativeFish

Matt Hancock.... I'm mortified


zoobaby

You're not alone. My vagina just sealed up at the thought. I'm almost full term with a baby, ain't no way it's coming out now.


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str4b3rryb1tch

Is that the former health secretary cause me too :( I wanted to see the scandal


TheSixthDimension

Genghis Khan


rixtomakria

No is not an option


WhiteLama

Well he’s not called Genghis Khan’t.


BIG_RED_MANN

This got a chuckle out of me


The_ANNOholic

I fucking googled the name Martin Luther got when he was hidden on the Wartburg. Junker Jörg


dirtyhippie62

His friends call him Junker “Junk in the bunker” Jörg


Capn_Of_Capns

Elizabeth Olsen. Was having a discussion about Scarlet Witch. This is a good thing.


NoojahxD

This is a very good thing


SmileRoom

Mine was almost Elizabeth Olsen, but the reddit post before this one was about Chris Wallace and it changed my life trajectory drastically.


bumford11

pingu


TheGigaWolf

Send noots.


John_Martin_II

Noot noot


KentuckyFriedEel

noot in the moot


Schwenkedel

Noot noot


NOOOOT-NOOOOT

;)


rixtomakria

Kinky


Sad_Taco1999

Man I really don't want to bang Winston Churchill...


Informal_Chemist6054

He shall bang you on the beaches, he shall bang you in fields, he shall bang you in the streets, he shall bang you in the hills.


1526668

And he shall bang your cheeks


Informal_Chemist6054

But he will never let you cum.


Witness_me_Karsa

Some people are into denial.


HCJohnson

But please don't make him run.


ahomelessguy25

Lucky, I got Churchill AND Gandhi.


pixel_of_moral_decay

He used to rub his bald head in oil, and rub it all over my body!


AlexS101

The Mahatma???


TGWS

just reminds me of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/o923rv/churchill\_downs/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3


_magnas_mathias_

Natalie Dormer. Fuck I'm in.


MastermindT

King Leonidas... THIS IS SPARTA!


sotonohito

You've got to figure he was a power bottom anyway...


L0pz3103

M. Night Shyamalan


leopardchief

Bring protection and some tissues. His climaxes are usually unexpected.


crimson_mokara

And underwhelming


Vineetvvn

Bane. Damn I am fucked


OranguPanda

You fuck like a younger man. Nothing held back.


GiantSizeManThing

Admirable... but mistaken.


TheMythicalBeast2

Theatricality and deception, both powerful agents for the unhorny. But we are horny, aren't we Bruce? Both members of the League of Orgies!


Textrian

Let’s see what breaks first, your spirit or your body?


crimson_mokara

Do you feel in charge?


monkeyhead_man

It would be very painful….


ISAMU13

For you...


Virtualmikey

Well you got yourself laid! What's the next step in your master plan?!?


phathomthis

Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was arroused in it, I came in it. I didn't fuck in light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!


JoeRogansMic

Thor. Guess I’m getting hammered


DHollos

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.


sotonohito

I think you mean "axe" you to leave. Then I'd say "I'd storm out!"


ParamedicMunson

McKayla Maroney...


cyberjar88

She's unimpressed with your abilities in bed.


flaccomcorangy

Doesn't matter, had sex.


Reasonable_Gap3260

omg jack black


Brummelhummel

Be careful i heard he got a tenacious D


themeatspin

School of Cock


Terencebreurken

Dick of Destiny


Alwaysafk

Betty White. My body is ready.


istouche

The new guy we hired that didn't show up this morning.


noholdingbackaccount

Don't worry, he's coming.


hvhhggggh

Clement Attlee


tommytraddles

I feel like he'd be a gentle lover who would invite your roommates to join, if they wanted.


egecik1266

Dwayne johnson👌


DalekPredator

Caught between The Rock and his hard place.


TheNamewhoPostedThis

Sorry it’s a free award so wholesome is the best I can do


Jon_SnewSnew

Jack Nicholson. I don’t know how I would feel if he just burst in the room naked screaming “HERES JOHNNY”


QuiteLargely

“I‘m just gonna fuck your brains out.”


Frozty23

"I'm not gonna hurt 'cha."


LoL-Reports-Dumb

......Does courage the cowardly dog count as a person? I get Johnny bravo instead right?


TheInfinit1

Nope, you get Courage


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critical-drinking

Does it though? Why were they googling someone they clearly already know about? Wait… oh no…


thoggins

Shame it wasn't the Olsen *sisters*. You could have gotten Elizabeth too.


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Impressive-Sound1374

Jimmy Garoppolo. I guess there are worse options.


Scubas_throwaway

Have you seen the filter that turns you into the opposite gender? Somebody used it on Jimmy G and gawd damn that WoMan is hot


FlameSlash7

Tom Hiddleston


drfunbags

This would be me as well. I’ll accept.


lovelytones

Natalie Portman. My boyfriend is gonna beg me to watch us lol


Vongola___Decimo

elizabeth olsen. looks like best day of my life is here


karda702

Eva Green,


Ladzofinsurrect

Lucky bastard.


[deleted]

Ben Shapiro is going to lose his virginity.


Informal_Chemist6054

Ben Shapiro DESTROYS LIBERAL BUSSY with FACTS AND LOGIC


Debugs_

Chris Hansen. I'm a minor btw.


MorganWick

"Why don't I have a seat right over there?"


Plutonium1991

"Why don't you have a seat right up here?"


RustproofPanic

Became the very thing he swore to destroy


BIG_RED_MANN

Oh the irony


CaptDeadeye

Oh boy, I do love my lover pouring vinegar into my brain to turn me into a zombie.


JenovaCelestia

Jeffrey Dahmer for those wondering


KingSudrapul

Natalie Portman. My wife approves.


LunaQuixotic

Chloë Grace Moretz


greatal398

She's actually slightly older than me so I've had the benefit of crushing on her for her entire career


heysoundude

A Dutch tennis player qualifying at Wimbledon who was warned her outfit wasn’t white enough…de Vroome was her name. Update: was not expecting updoots for this. Thanks folks. Update 2, a couple hours later: this is silly, folks. Silver for all of you, if I had it to give.


Cthulhus_Trilby

Va va Vroome.


[deleted]

Vroome Vroome, i’m in mi mom’s car


Cbran41

Get ou' mi car


AnimeIsMaLife

Awww


Yet_another_sigh

Joe Rogan no.....


ChillyBearGrylls

Jamie pull that shit up


WhackJackStudios

“Get ready for the Joe Rogan experience”


Thatguy_from_roblox

Shrek. I know some nasty people wouldn't be disappointed.


Redye117

Shrek is love, Shrek is life.


Kylock_Hall

Because of that "The Next Celebrity to be Exposed" Thread my last search was Ron Jeremy...i'm............no


Knuckles316

Sigourney Weaver, so fucking dream come true for me! And probably a massive disappointment for her...


thegaycatboy

voldemort


dirtyhippie62

whorecrux


Phoenboi

Mansa Musa. Kanye better change those pronouns in gold digger


Schwann-Port

Woah, wait, is that how it works? Two seconds... Ok, now it's Beyonce. Phew, that was close.


NorthTitan86

Who was the original pick


Sippinonjoy

Steve Buscemi


Mad_Man_9

Riley Reid... for research purposes


just_a_lurker_guy

I just searched my own name... Now, I can literally fuck myself


y_u_v_i_c_a_n

Malena Morgan


HimeImo

Jack black.


spacebot25

Charles Barkley…. That’s Turrable


AnnualBlueberry

holy shit no I’m not having sex with d’vorah from mortal kombat


AdamMan187

Not with *that* attitude you won't


seppemeulemans

Well i had looked up 'obama is the throat goat' for the meme but idk if that counts. Before that it was gonzo (the muppet). The reason makes it even better, had looked him up because someone in another askreddit comment had mentioned their ex or something had a dick that looked like gonzo's nose and i didend know who that was. So either im getting throat from obama the throat goat or gonzo the dick nosed muppet.


Plexhunter

Aileen Wuornos xd


JayMax19

Lord, it’s my ex-wife. That’s the worst one here 🤦‍♂️


THX1175

Is her name Tammy?


EXTRA-THOT-SAUCE

“I didn’t shave it. It rubbed off, from friction”


HomicidalWaterHorse

Derek Chauvin. Yikes.


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

Well if you’re into choking...


circular_file

That is the most darkly funny thing I've read all week. Made me choke down my tea before it sprayed all over my laptop. Edit: No pun intended, I'm not that funny.


jaimmster

Cillian Murphy, no regrets.


Embarrassed-Debt-458

Omni man


Belteshazzar98

You're more like a pet.


user_3241

HE DOES *WHAT* TO HIS PETS?


unfnknblvbl

Myself. Nothing new there, then


[deleted]

the backyardigans omg why u do this to me 😭😭


NormalNonexistentMan

The FBI are on their way


Mistersquiggles1

In to the thick of it! In to the thick of it!


gotamessage

whoopi goldberg this is gonna take some time


airballrad

I was talking to my wife and she had never searched her own name on Google before to see what results were returned, so I did it to tell her what came back. So... my wife. The internet is strange.


Ghost_Redditor_

Laura dern from 1990


sotonohito

DB Cooper. He's the guy who hijacked a plane in the northeast USA (edit correction northWEST), extorted a $200,000 ransom (back when that was a lot of money), forced the pilot to take off again, and then **JUMPED OUT OF THE PLANE WITH A PARACHUTE** somewhere over Washington state. He was never found. No one knows who he was. There are no photos of him, just some police sketches that may not be very accurate. Experts say he most likely died during his high altitude jump, or landing in the wilderness. But no one knows. It's the only unsolved case of air piracy in the USA. And now I have to fuck him. Shit.


Belteshazzar98

A TV show has led me to believe that is Loki so...


Guaclaac

moist\_cr1tikal


robotnique

His cock is throbbing.


FuriousGeorge1435

Daniel Naroditsky is a fucking prophet! He told me xQc would go for the Scotch Open, and he did! My cock is THROBBING right now! T H R O B B I N G !


BlazingFiery

Thanks for the fat 10 gift subs Pikachu


Salty-Tortoise

He’ll 100% be wearing a white shirt.


Mr_Fraggle

My therapist...who I looked up to report her shitty practices. 🤦🏽‍♂️


Koolmidx

Well I guess I'm now batting for the other team but I ain't mad. Duncan McLeod of the clan McLeod. Forgot his name already.


ShenandoahValley

Damn. Theodore Roosevelt. I am not happy at all.


Jamstraz

Watch out man, I hear he speaks softly and caries a BIG stick.


heckhammer

Looks like you're gonna be one of the Rough Riders.


Captan-Seahawks

That idiot who caused the crash at the Tour de France… No thank you, not huge into cycling but can’t risk those genes


not_trivada

threesome with Joseph Stalin and adolf hitler


I_am_Mog

Richard Branson


UltraRomero7

Tobey Maguire