T O P

Alright guys, how do I seal the deal? 😎

Alright guys, how do I seal the deal? 😎

PorkPotSticker

Do you both have “I am a furry” in your profiles?


BenificusAngorio

The real questions


[deleted]

Silently craps in kitty litter box


someguyfrommumbai

Gives the cat Viagra


[deleted]

Cat gets splitting headache


WPObbsessed

Says the guy with furry porn in his profile…. >! made you look !<


crocsandlongboards

Made me look...now I'm disappointed


MaurosCrew

I mean, how else would he know?


FreshSyntax

Got'eeeem


TheCreamiestBoi

What the fuckity fucking fuck


HowMayIHempU

Took the words right out of my mouth.


Naive_Ad_5057

Did he ask or were they just stolen?


HowMayIHempU

Pulled them out with his tongue after I begged


Naive_Ad_5057

The romance continues


felatedbirthday

For real. OP should remain on his own here. He dug his grave now he should shit in it and roll around or whatever he’s into.


xShooK

No. No no no. These people are fucking made for each other. Probably have the same brand.


Dr_barfenstein

The same brand of what? Diapers?


faxfinn

Straight jackets


TheBookOfSeil

Furry costumes


Reylend

Wait a Kentucky Fried Minute


DM_Austen

Thanks for the laugh 😂


[deleted]

I was gonna type that but i just upvoted it


andrei_89

Faith in humanity lost...


SnooGrapes5596

Fuckiny fuckiti fuck?


melvinfosho

Thought I was in r/cringe because that’s where it belongs


outsidenorms

What in the fuck is this


LiamEd2000

A furry mating ritual. We’re actually really lucky to see it happen in public as usually the furry is frightened to perform such actions with non-furries in the vicinity out of fear of retribution for societal abnormalities.


Far-Goal-801

*slowly sips my tea* This is but one such ritual. If you wish I can divulge a second.


LeopoldBloomJr

No thanks


hahahampo

Divulge it!


Far-Goal-801

One word. Vore.


hahahampo

Surprisingly, not as bad as I was expecting. Not great, but not bleach my eyes out bad either


Saquith

Parasites


3500theprice

As they should be! This is an abomination


OnthewingsofKek

Cleanse this heresy with righteous fire! The Emperor demands it!


imextremelylonely

True love.


thetofulion

My thoughts exactly what the fuck 😂


5astick

How the fuck. What the fuck. That's it, I give up.


darkknight95sm

Rules 1 and 2


alwaysforgetmyuserID

Shit your pants and clean up piss? Ok if my next match doesn't like it then it's on you


PartymanXD

What a terrible day to have eyes.


DueCryptographer7315

What a terrible day to know how to read, wish i was illiterate.


PartymanXD

I couldn't agree more


incognitoshadow

"sometimes I pray for god to take away my ability to read"


SuggestiveMaterial

All jokes aside, suddenly realizing you can't read something you used to is terrifying. Especially if it's infront of someone....


DueCryptographer7315

It happened with me when i was 14… It was in front of the entire class… My brain stopped working, i was lagging repeating the word without fixing it, i started laughing at myself with the class, but dead inside… Sorry if there is any mistake in the comment i’m brazil 🐊


discarded_dnb

Hello Brazil, I'm dad


incognitoshadow

oh no for sure, I was just quoting a tweet I saw on a meme lol


a_squid_beast

It reminds me of the one about the crocs... and shrek


HonkForMemes

"No seriously, I shit my pants. Can I get in yours?"


dunkin_employee

HAHAHAHAHA smart


lmaosugondese

Damn how are people this witty


Kosherlove

I was gonna say something about peanut butter and red rockets


7thGenwonderEX

If I had a drink, I would probably take another sip while reading this comment again... And still spit it out.


Appsroooo

If I had my free award, this would take it.


MaybeKoreyTaube

I had mine and I gave it to him for you. Free awards rise up! No you clowns! Don’t award me! Award him ⬆️


Appsroooo

This man(and or woman) deserves an award


MaybeKoreyTaube

I have a penis and testicles and the pronouns of him/his and identify as a man, and I do not deserve an award for backing up my fellow redditor


Appsroooo

The "bro" award. For being a bro


MaybeKoreyTaube

I suppose bro.


--_--WasTaken

Bro….


RedSsj

That’s fucking golden


[deleted]

Like a stream of golden pee


Memezaan

DAMN!! (like how Kevin hart says to Don Cheadle)


PuckFolson

You throw your phone in a River and isolate itself from other people for the rest of eternity.


[deleted]

Don't let the joke go on too long


Occams_ElectricRazor

Yeah make it happen!


killswithspoon

And kids, *that's* how I met your mother!


Divide_Interesting

No no no. You didn’t tell us this whole story about aunt robin just to let us know that you let mom piss in your ass hole right before she passed.. you like aunt robin..


waxlion78

Spoilers


wontusethisforlongg

Match made in heaven Vomits all over his shirt


[deleted]

Calls an exorcist


driedupemo

Moms spaghetti


Soft-Poached

This is very stable and normal, take a selfie of yourself hogtied and send "will you pork me?".


-backdoorman_

Lol


pforsbergfan9

How do I delete someone else’s picture from the internet?


JustAMessInADress

Oh, what a horrible day to be literate!


TheJPisMe

I have no idea what's going on here, but I'm glad you two found each other.


ThenIndependence4502

Ya’ll both need Jesus…


throwaway_SoUnsure

I'm an atheist and I agree.


RoscoeArnoldN

[As Fluffy says... ](https://m.imgur.com/a/ANfLgDY)


ZuraKatsu

This is the weirdest shit I've seen so far


jkw12894

Is a very aggressive shit too.


Topogravy

You both need therapy


IncelLikeIronically

They both need Jesus


[deleted]

They need each other


aleAKAsine

...therapy need Jesus and Jesus need therapy?


[deleted]

Jesus is therapy. You don't need pills or a counsellor or a Covid vaccination. He will save you if enough people share a prayer post on Facebook. I bet 3 of my friends won't.


DiacanteEl

Dafuk did I just read... 🤨


deanvanhalen69

What the fuck is going on?


General-Cheetah2398

This guy can get a response with shitting his pants...the fuck am I doing wrong...


Revolutionary_Song16

You just gotta find a girl who violently pees herself. I wish I knew what both of them looked liked.


General-Cheetah2398

I would love to find a girl who violently pees herself. She seems like she’s attractive so you’ve gotta imagine he’s decent looking


Individual_Newt_8128

Ahh, what a terrible day to have eyes.


[deleted]

And a bladder


CusOfTheInsinuation

Underrated comment here.


xaprushax

Do these awkward exchanges really work? I cringe myself out of my chair when I see them


coolguy9966

As weird as this conversation is nothing is better than a chick that can take a joke


Misaiato

Each day we stray further and further from the Lord.


rickybare

What a terrible day for eyes.


RinneganRaikage

Yes, with group suicide.


hiiwritethings92

Dating is weird


7thGenwonderEX

People are weird


LetsDanceWeird

You go to goddamn church and ask for forgiveness!


Antscannabis

That girl is fucking awesome. It's ordinary for guys to rely on shock factor during initial contact. Give themselves a reason to be rejected other than she wasn't into them. But for her to just match his comments like that. Then has the sense of humor and quick wit to think of the gallops off. Her mind is sexy af.


90s_Brand_Sarcasm

Or she's a dominatrix who get into men emasculating themselves.


Antscannabis

That's fair. I would just do everything I could to get her to get coffee with me, or get to know me ... take her out, bring things back to my place. Then I would be in an awkward position when she violently pissed on my floor and insisted I do my job.


[deleted]

Smells like R Kelly's sheets


sadantman101

Pissssssssss


[deleted]

But it was 99c


mschley2

That girl is fucking weird. I know that because, like you said, she did match his comments. And those comments were fucking weird. I mean, good for him finding someone that works for him. But what the fuck.


Sq33kss

And they said romance was dead


Mull3rRic3

*Violently humps the couch leg to show your dominance*


Lkwzriqwea

What seems to be the fuck


Cubbyonreddit

Wut


Turbulent_Chart_8311

Yep. Worst thing I’ve ever seen


Antscannabis

Seems like you already have


OddEscape2295

Take her to a porta potty at the zoo


SighingDM

I would rather burn this planet to the ground than spend another minute living among these animals.


Murky-Cat-6138

I always wonder how weird couples meet and do weird stuff together.


R2RichyRich14

How did this end?!


semmarG

she's way out of my league so i never ended up messaging her back 🤪


yazzy1233

She matched with yo headass didnt she??? And responded to you


Revolutionary_Song16

Wtf why? I’m so angry at you.


Superb-Pangolin-6860

Only insecure people believe that leagues exist, I’m disappointed in you


amuricanswede

She fuckin played ball with your weird ass and you leave her hanging?! Bruh.


ben_and_the_jets

dawg she literally replied to your message about shitting your fucking pants. if that didn't turn her off nothing will. don't be a coward


KevQS13

Exactly not following rules 1&2 and results to show it.


Limp_Difference_4003

To seal the deal you need to stand on the bathroom sink and Swan dive into the toilet.


Sexymonke6

What in the actual fuck


ImHimIAm

Tf


smbwtf

Cringe af


Tybackwoods00

Well this is some original shit I gotta give OP that.


SoMuchForLongevity

Puts a bit in your mouth and says "Good horsey!" \*takes a moment to ask for your phone number because you're really fun\*


TrekkNorth

This hurt my brain


BenificusAngorio

Yes, start LARPing for phone number with asterisks Jesus Cringing Christ


AmazingMrFox

Did you notice the rest of the conversation? I don't think LARP asterisks are *super* out of place, are they?


BenificusAngorio

I think when we started LARPing complex social interactions like some kind of Deus Ex in third party, it changed quite a bit. "Slaps your ass" And "Notices ur so pwetty and gets your gorgeous numbew" Are miles apart


AmazingMrFox

I agree! I'd just say this tinder conversation is closer to the later of your examples. Just my humble opinion.


umquhilespecter

*vomits cutely into your mouth*


[deleted]

Finds another girl and a cup


redsealsparky

Is this flirting and I've been doing it wrong? I'd expect this from a 15 year old but maybe you've found your soul mate?


rosco2155

What a terrible day to have eyes


ThisIsReLLiK

Personally, I'd be uninstalling the app and calling it a day. This shit is weird.


DobermanAG

* tips fedora *


anonbonbon

what a bad day to have eyes


LeftIsBest-Tsuga

What the fuck?


capn_scooby

Shit I've been flirty wrong my whole life...


Siekie007

This is fake right? normal humans don't do this right?


JustinF608

By going to jail.


IKnowItsTooLoud

Make sure she’s not doing it unironically


MolotovFromHell

You are made for each other good for you


sisterpussypounder

Marry her. Edit: Now.


Ronenkha

Yes


Careful-Category-775

Goes to show you can say just about anything if you're attractive enough


AnonymousReader2020

maybe start by a shower. So, let me get this straight you flirt with a girl about caviar and golden shower and YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO CLOSE THE DEAL? i certainly hope that she knows as i want to see your face when she asks you to shit on the carpet. xD


ChaseCDS

Pretty sure you sealed the deal already with little to no effort. Have fun?


godlyspanner

Nah lad you’re on your ones but it looks like you two are into it… whatever “it” is


GeraltofRivvia

Yall wack asf 🤣🤣


LaBarbaGuapa

G-zus Murray and Yusef!


Uredditrighthere

Cleveland steamer?


kcooke7919

Seal the deal with baby wipes, depends and takeout.


ddizzlemyfizzle

Glad you found someone just as weird as you are lol


BobomirJagr

Wut.


Puzzleheaded-Kale434

I need therapy after seeing that shit


Dennsus_Derino

What the fuck is wrong with you


yogurtandfun

so this is what it's like out there huh? I think I'll stay single


A_Depressed_Pug

Oh hell nah🤮


foolofatook4u

https://c.tenor.com/Y44bf4S2TFoAAAAM/myeyes-reaction.gif


mr-nachofingers

Gross dude.


HuMiRoKuN

Le Fuck IS THIS-


Matt2486

Take my eyes. Anyone.


colingk3

Throw yourself into a wood chipper


luuuuurke

but like, really, what the fuck


Barbie_and_KenM

I hate this so much


Jjajangbokki

What in the sweet motherfucking fuck is this?


Yung_Peach

Yuck


stix-99

Oh, r/whatdidijustread


Vaeevictiss

What the fuck is going on here


Thrillhouse801

Weird ass people out there


shadow19922

What the fuck is wrong with ya’ll?


Bootybandit6989

Y'all Mofos need Jesus fuckn christ


Phemus01

r/Noahgettheboat


Soren_Camus1905

As much as I fucking hate this, good for you OP


floyder55

I know true love when I see it


burtonpunch316

Imagine starting out a conversation with someone you’ve never spoken to like this..


Chilb5

please delete your reddit account and never post anything again


Aus10DH

This whole damn thread has me fucking dying lmao


Peppered__

I think you already won


ProteanPlays

Marry her


PantsDownBootyUp

Let us put on your leash and attach you to my bed before you run away


Big-Bad-Bull

Uh I think the deal is sealed all you gotta do I send it out to Australia cause what in the outback type shit did I just read


echoromeo94

You must be gorgeous


PorkPotSticker

Would be awesome if that was a bot, pass her around Reddit for the boys… lol


FutrzakKowalski

Fucking get therapy. You're not funny. Get help.


moonrisequeendom_

I promise I clean up good


Lornesto

Maybe introduce yourself. I swear, do people not talk to other humans these days?


Timely-Part3377

Um if it were me I’d stop with the *taps fingers on the keyboard* describing what you’re doing. But IDK.


MadLeap13

If I had tinder/ didn’t find someone on spotafriend this is exactly how I’d go about finding someone. My man