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When did you come out? If you haven’t yet why not?

When did you come out? If you haven’t yet why not?

StrictlyIndustry

I came out when I was 21, April of 2008. I was a senior in college and was suffering from severe depression. Not many of my friends knew, and on top of struggling with my sexuality, I was just having one of those nights where everything was weighing on me. I attempted to take my own life and ended up in the hospital for a while. Of course, my parents, siblings, and all of my other friends wanted to know what was going on and I just had to tell them (obviously). Things were weird at first. I thought my dad was the one would be most upset and possibly kill me, but nope - he couldn’t care less (and suggested I smoke weed for my depression 🙃)My mom was crushed and we didn’t talk for a few months. Most of my friends didn’t care, and those who did didn’t really matter. I’m 35 now - still gay, married, and adulting. I was much happier after coming out and I’m happy now. I do wish I had come out sooner, though. Part of me feels like I missed out on a lot when I was in high school, but being gay in high school in late 90s/early 2000s was much different than it is now 🦩


XxJoshuaKhaosxX

Being bi or gay during the 2000s was rough. Im glad things have changed for the better.


Affectionate-Ninja77

The 2000s was a walk in the park. I came out in 1986. That was hard work.


XxJoshuaKhaosxX

Oh I belive it back then. The 80s must have been hell to come out during. You have my sympathy.


Affectionate-Ninja77

I believed in myself. I got through it and had fun doing so.


FIESTYgummyBEAR

Glad you’re alive and still gay. :) Your parents have come around I see?


StrictlyIndustry

Yeah, definitely. I don’t really speak to my dad any longer (but that’s a story for another time). My mom and I are super close and everyone in my fam loves my husband more than they love me 😆


christoffrrr

Fuck your generation is so lucky. Im 29 going on 30. I use to think we were the lucky ones, after the AIDS crisis, ect. We were definitely in a lot of ways for sure but I never imagined things getting to how progressive they are now. Maybe too progressive haha. Im lost with how many genders and sexual preferences theyre now but anyways. When I was in school the only gay kid we had had the utter shit beaten out of him pretty much daily. Blood dripping everywhere all the time. He wasn't allowed in the male locker rooms (For his own safety) and had to be careful outside the playgrounds, ect. Guys use to turn around and put their backsides against their lockers in the locker room (literally every straight guy) and make jokes about being careful because "the poofta might bumrape ya" I use to think he was an idiot for coming out and being so feminine. He needed to hide like me to survive. It was survival of the fittest. If he wasn't the target then it could be me so I was grateful at the same time. He committed suicide recently. It was wrong how they treated him. I hated the guy but I was respectful to him at least. All these years later, we have gay people representing us everywhere from tv/movies to politics, we have gay marriage in pretty much all western countries now. My first experience to anything gay was a rape scene in nip/tuck. And rape scenes in prison movies. Constant debates how being gay is unnatural and immoral. Nowadays those conversations are tuned out. We never had the access to Prep, or the conversation around HIV like we do today. Grindr was only just a thing when I was 18 and it still wasn't really being navigated (this was still in the time of internet serial killers) I see ads for PreP on about every porn site there is. PreP has only been around a few years and has DRASTICALLY changed things. I caught HIV early on. I dont mind the diagnosis but I worry about my long term health because of it. To be 13 and have access to such platforms like reddit and tiktok. You have the opportunity to design your perfect life (just like a hetero lol) Please take advantage of it. Im still struggling years later with internalised honophobia (not being gay myself, I just dont feel comfortable with femininity, ect. The toxic shit lol) I cant imagine how much of a positive outlook on life I would of had without all the trauma that comes with being gay. Use your youth wisely :)


PhiloPhocion

>Fuck your generation is so lucky. What's crazy is how quickly that shift is coming (though still with a lot of room to go) - that's it's not even really a whole different generation. I'm also in my later 20s but my youngest sister then is still even in high school where that change is pretty clear. It's a weird conflict of knowing that we still are pretty lucky to be living a huge part of our lives in a much improved environment compared to people older than us. And obviously very happy more young LGBTQ kids will get to grow up living more of their lives as their authentic selves without needing to feel the need to hide. But it's also frustrating that I feel like I *just* missed it - like a few years off from what I see with my sister's friends getting to openly have a boyfriend in high school with several out people in school, getting to go to prom with a guy I'm into, or hell even having that petty high school dating drama. It feels like getting to the train platform just in time to see the doors close


christoffrrr

Exactley how id describe it. So unfair.


pristine_coconut

I'm 21 and still not out. I can't come out because I'm not financially independent yet and my family is very homophobic. I tried to come out to my sister at 18 but she went and told my mom who then threatened to not send me to university. So after a day of being out, I had to crawl back into the closet and convince my mom that I'm straight, so I can follow my dreams and become an engineer. I'm in my 3rd year and if everything goes to plan I get my degree next year. But I'm lonely as fuck and really can't wait to have someone to come home to.


politeskeptic

This made me sad. Hang in there!


pristine_coconut

Thanks! I've known for about 9 years, so I'm in the home stretch.


Riddle1992

I came out at 17, which lifted a huge burden off my shoulders! Hiding your true self puts such a strain on day to day living.


Ir_Abelas

I never had to come out because I grew up with a family that didn’t care, and frankly everybody including those at school already knew before I did. So, rather than facing the dilemma of coming out and hoping those around me still accepted me, I only had to deal with self-acceptance.


Partymonster86

I was 15 when I came out to family, 13/14 to friends. This was 2000 time, I was one of the lucky ones I guess only had a few incidents of homophobic bullying, I quickly learnt that if I put on a camp voice and said stuff like "I love it when you use your fists on me" it would stop them. Then I'd kick their ass 🤣 I did get more popular after coming out in school, lots of the popular girls wanted a gay bff and the popular guys wanted to know me cause I knew the popular girls. Yes I did take full advantage of that 😂


homiesexuality

Came out when I was 12 so almost going on 10 years now


Ambassad0r_Satch

I was outted at 14 to my peers by a girl I briefly dated who turned out later to be a lesbian. I wasn't out to myself at the time but most people just decided I was gay so I didn't really get a say in the matter. Parents found out when I was 18 and I showed them a membership card to my uni's lgbt soc. They were really chill about it. So I got the somewhat rare experience that all the old people in my life were really cool but all the "progressive" young people were little shits.


Katsu_39

Ive only come out to a small circle of people. My family is very very southern baptist conservative and kicked my cousin out the family for being gay. So i could never find the strength to come out. Some of my friends, im scared how theyll react. But i think they might know since everytime they try to talk to me about p*ssy and women and going to the strip club, i just kinda shrug it off. I cane out to a group of friends at the age of 26. I lost ALOT of friends. The ones who stuck around are now my closest friends.


RobbieRodri

I'm not out to some people. Just don't care about them knowing either way. My family never heard it from my lips either, they were super homophobic so I took them out of my life.


Fin745

I came out at 30(sometimes it feels like I came out to late) I didn’t come out any earlier because I had a ton of shit mentally I had to deal with.


BartholomewVanGrimes

Currently 55… figured myself out at 18, told others starting at 22, told family at 25…


Vincenzo0484

Came out at as bi to my friends when i was 13 and to my mother when i was 15, still haven't come out to my father cause he's homophobic, i don't wanna have more problems than i still have


XxJoshuaKhaosxX

My dads homophobic, but yet I've come out to him as bi. He treats me no different, he just doesn't like the idea of me being into guys.


Kindsoul10

I came out when I was 17. I was a junior in highschool. I'm 20 now.


-Timbs-

I’m 22 and still haven’t. I don’t think I ever will either. The thought of coming out makes me uncomfortable. Even sharing my feelings at all makes me have instant regret. It does suck though.. the feeling of loneliness and my depression only getting worse. It makes everyday feel like I’m suffocating. Maybe I’m just a little lost at the moment idk..


Void_Viper

I was 19. I was confused and my mental health was slowly declining. Eventually my mother noticed that something was going on and encouraged me to tell her. When I came out as Bi she threw a tantrum and we did not talk for a few weeks. However, everything else improved a lot afterwards. Most of the family was supportive and I gained a bit more confidence so the initial shock was worth it in the end.


Rim_On

I'm 23 still in the closet My country is pretty homophobic although it decriminalize homosexuality a few years ago And I'm still studying and wasn't financially capable of having my own place and it's common thing here that parents live with their kids most of their life it's the norm here


politeskeptic

Came out at age 45, while married with kids. They are as supportive as one could hope, but I’ve created a bit of a mess. I grew up in the Deep South and just didn’t have the clarity or courage to come out before.


blizzaga1988

I started coming out when I was 17. It wasn't just a one and done thing. I came out to individual friends who then sorta told other friends. I came out to my parents at separate points and both times were an accident. My mom found my porn collection and my dad found some gay novels I had when he was cleaning my room. She and I spoke about it; he and I never actually had a convo about it, but he definitely accepts it. I never came out to my entire school. I never saw a need since I didn't care for or about anyone really outside of my friends. They knew and being able to be my authentic self with them was good enough for me. And being out to the whole school would've just probably caused more problems for me in the long run. Most of high school for me was about being invisible and in the background and I grew up in rural Nova Scotia, so I didn't need to paint an unnecessary target on my back. Once I moved to the city, I started living more authentically with everyone in general.


parky58

How come your dad was cleaning your room?


blizzaga1988

It was the summer after graduating high school and I'd left for two weeks to visit an online friend in another province (incidentally, this is when I finally had my first kiss and lost my virginity). He decided to tidy up my room while I was away. I knew he saw them because they weren't where I left them when I got back.


Historical-Host7383

As a wise man once said, that which can be seen does not need to be questioned.


KnicksFan4000

27 almost 28, still in the closet. I want to tell my family first, but every time I try I get way too nervous and don’t do it. Also I’m the least talkative person in my family and my older brother and sister always dominate the conversation, so I get the butterflies and then just sit there in silence, smh


Eco_Chamber

Same age, but really I’ve been just having a hell of a time figuring myself out. Like I know I like guys from my online video habits but when I go and meet someone I just can’t get into it. I dunno what’s up, but I’ve got a number of professionals now offering this and that. Could be the anxiety, depression, the meds, inexperience, whatever. No real answers here. I’m basically 10 years behind in love life right now. So part of it really is just the anxiety, but there’s also an open question I ask myself of what the actual hell is going on with this.


XxJoshuaKhaosxX

Oh wow!! You came out really young. I dont think anyone i ever went to school with canevout as gay when they were 13. Things are so much better than they were in the mid to late 2000s. So for me, I guess I knew I wasn't straight at 15, but didn't know what was up for several years. what kicked it off was that I saw this super cute/hot boy during lunch period. That was probably the first time I remember wanting to actively kiss a guy. He was sooo cute!!. Then later during senior year I made friends with a hot skater boy in the grade below me, he caused me serious issues mentally because it just continued to just make more concerned I was gay. But God was he super nice and so damn hot. Seriously had the best body out of any guy I saw at school, I struggled all the time to not kiss him or put my hands on him😅. But the day that I finally admitted I was bi(but I lean more gay than straight) was at 22 years old, and this was during a seriously bad period of having mental health issues unrelated to my sexuality. I was going through so much and finally developing into the person I think I was always supposed to be, but mild autism and early teenage trauma sorta kept that from being a thing for about 8 years. Over the next couple years and after I had mostly gotten on the otherside of depression, I slowly told all my friends and then accidentally let it slip to my dad. Thankfully everyone in my life has been chill with me coming out and treats me no different. I consider myself lucky.


Administrative-Ice-8

I've been out to myself since I was 12-13 (that is I finally accepted I was gay) and to a few people whom I considered my friends back in high school, but not to my family because I know they won't take it well.


doomeduser0324

I came out when I was 18, a few days before graduating. I'm now 25. I moved and kinda crawled my way back into the closet. Ughhh yeah, acceptance is something I've struggled with since 10 years old. I don't think the battle ever ends but meh, it is what it is.


TheOatGoat98

June 2nd 2020!! I was 22. It was one of the most scariest, yet most courageous things I have ever done!❤ I have gained so much confidence. Idgaf then, I REALLY don't give one now! If it is safe for you to come out, consider it. Love to all of you who are struggling!!


puruxon

I don't think that's necessary. I see it as another part of American culture (like lockers in schools or donuts shops). Never need that "I have to". I just live my live the way I want to and if someone ask well... I have nothing to hide.


slutwannabe69

I haven't come out yet but am still trying to find a bf first, someone in the Denver area PlZ message me


SnooTigers6644

I started coming out when I was 18, then my sister found out my bf and I were dating and she proceeded to force me out. I was going to come out soon anyway, but I would’ve preferred it to be on my terms, not hers.


AJnbca

I came out to my family and close friends when I was 14, really didn’t have much of an issue as far as negative stuff because my family is not religious and very open and liberal. I had gay uncles and aunts and cousins. A few kids at school gave me issues but overall my close friends didn’t care nor did my family.


Kumacon

I was 15, it was 2006. I didn't lose any friends but I figured out how unwelcome I was at my school.


XxJoshuaKhaosxX

Being gay or bi during the 2000s was rough


Gaybriel05

I was 15 when I did. Didnt feel the urge to do it before that. Never questioned myself on it. There was pressure from my mom and my (overprotective) sister (i am the forever baby brother) to back up on my public coming out. My mom was afraid I was going to be bullied for it. She told my eldest brother and he told her "He is still my younger brother no matter what. I love him for the way he is." Probably my greatest ally. During the last year we started to bind a lot more. Much more adult conversations instead of Adult x teen stories. Being 6 years apart give me a lag behind. When I feel alone, I think of him. My life plan are likely to make me live away from my childhood home and my brother. So I'm very glad to have him.


AdEcstatic4440

I’m 33 and came out when I was 18.


No_Alfalfa_532

Was forced out and now I have no friends or family.


mikeatx79

I came out to my friends starting my 19th birthday. My family eventually figured it out. Very glad I waited to tell them until I had moved away! My mom and I didn’t talk for a decade, I have not seen my step dad or grandmother since then. I’m 41 now.


Salty-Queen87

I came out 21 years ago when I was 13. 90% of my family was hugely supportive, and the 10% that didn’t were people I didn’t really talk to or have a relationship with anyway.


jc2thew3

I’m partially in and partially out. I have told many of my friends. But haven’t told my parents. And I really need to do that— because I know my parents would get it and totally be ok with it. There’s just that 1% chance they wouldn’t, and it would kill me. I’m 35


AdEcstatic4440

I’m 33 and came out when I was 18.


Brisbane_Cat_Help

Can an administrator please bans minors from participating here? I've reported the post and encourage others to do so. Even putting aside the contrary arguments I have no doubt some will make, it's not like there are a million pedophiles and perverts who are going to go wild at the smell of blood wit the word "15" as the sixth word of the OP.


DClawdude

This is not an 18+ sub.